This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
