he thought i was a dude.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
