Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
