Duck Duck Cougar?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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