Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
