Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
