go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
