You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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