You smell like stripper and shame
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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