So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize