idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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