When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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