At least make sure they are 18
Why
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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