Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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