just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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