He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
