Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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