I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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