I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
