It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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