Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
