So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
