Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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