some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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