I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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