Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
