Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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