after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
