I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
