the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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