Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
