Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
