We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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