Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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