Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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