Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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