So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
