where does the pee come out of this thing
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
