Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont even know how to be here
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
