I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
