happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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