Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
