I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
