bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
