i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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