hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
