oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
accomplished twins. life is a go
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
