She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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