Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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