if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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