You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
