ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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