Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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