sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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