I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
