god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I would ride that face into the sunset
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
