i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
