After last night, I could never be a politician.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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