i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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