If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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