my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
