I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
