Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize