lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
