dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize