I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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