this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize