I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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