You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
