Cold hands, warm shart.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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