Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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