they need to just BURY HIM!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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