just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
