arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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