What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
